Desperately Seeking Something

It seems like everyone is always looking for something. Maybe they are looking for approval, or answers or the next dopamine hit. In my case, I am always looking for the next good photo as well as moments of respite from my symptoms.

This week has been relatively good. I’ve been able to get out there and do some driving and shopping and took a few nice walks in the nature. There was a time when doing these things would have knocked me down for days afterward, but thanks to my medicines I had minimal reactions and was able to bounce back pretty well (knock on wood).

Yay me!

I did wake up two nights ago covered in hives from head to toe after pushing my limits but a couple of Benadryl knocked them (and me) right back out.

Yay, Benadryl!

I was chatting with a friend of mine who also has mast cell disease and we both agreed that we spend way too much time trying to play whack-a-mole with our symptoms but we have no choice. When one pops up (like the hives) we have to try and get that one under control quickly or else a chain reaction takes place and soon we’re swimming in dozens more because that’s how our immune systems work.

Or don’t work. At least not properly.

I’m grateful that I understand what’s happening to my body now after decades of not knowing and worse, being told it was all in my head. I was desperately seeking answers from doctors most of my life and empathy from people close to me yet not really finding either. It’s a terrible reality for many of us with chronic illnesses.

So now that I do know, I can do my best to maintain some semblance of health although it is a full time job doing so. I have to carefully manage my triggers, take my medicines on time and in the right amounts, and try not to get too disappointed when I have a setback or things don’t go according to plan.

In fact, I can’t really plan too far ahead for anything because sure enough, if I do, I get sick and everything falls apart.

So I live in the moment most of the time. I have had to force myself to do so in order to save my sanity.

I also try to always look forward rather than ruminating about the past. I can’t change history and although I can’t really do much to mold my future since it is uncertain, I can look forward to things.

Like for instance, this is the time of year the swans are beginning to migrate. Last year they began flying past the house every day just after sunrise and just before sunset. It was like clockwork and for weeks I looked forward to seeing them pass by.

It almost became an obsession and I took hundreds of photos of them.

I don’t know if they’ll return to this part of the valley this year. I hadn’t seen them before and we’ve lived here for 16 years now. Maybe they did and I hadn’t noticed, but I’m pretty sure I’d have noticed.

They are a bit hard to not notice! 😄

Especially when they honk on the way by! I’m looking forward to hearing that again.

I am also looking forward to the first snowfall as that’s always comforting. Partly because the snow brings a different kind of beauty to my part of the world and also because it forces everyone to slow down a bit.

It also makes the pups happy and gives me an excuse to be a recluse.

Not that I don’t already have a valid excuse for that, being “allergic to the world” and all… 🙄

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