Malcontent

We have one duck that is, for lack of a better word, a malcontent. She is always starting trouble, she is a terrible mother, and between you and me, she is my favorite.

We are kindred spirits.

I will openly admit that I used to be a malcontent myself and probably could have been a better mother at times (although I didn’t step on my children and squish them to death or drown them while teaching them how to swim!) but I own my mistakes. I didn’t exactly have the best mother myself so I was just winging it.

And while I was a troublemaker in my youth, I’ve mellowed into more of a discontent with age. Meaning, I am never content for long. I’m always thinking of things I need to fix or change or rearrange or…

I don’t know why I’m this way. 🤔

Is it genetic? 🤔

Do I come from a long line of malcontents? 🤔

I just don’t know (but probably so).

What I do know is I need to figure out how to settle my urge to always look for something better, or something that needs changing, or fixing problems that aren’t there (or problems that are there that are unfixable).

I need to learn to just be content with the way things are! I could start by staying off Zillow where I keep finding huge farmsteads I want that are hundreds of miles away from my beloved Tetons (which I would surely miss if we left Idaho!).

I could stop wishing the world would go back to the way it was before you-know-what or at least something akin to the “old normal”. I don’t want a “new normal”. I don’t like change that much!

I really need to stop thinking I’m going to magically wake up one day and find that I am not broken and have no limits on what I can do or that I don’t have a progressive disease that will continue to limit me despite my best efforts.

I think that’s the root of my discontented nature, to be honest. I want to control something that is happening at a cellular level inside my body and I can’t. Being born sick is like buying a Tesla and the autopilot takes over the first time you get behind the wheel and it won’t turn off and won’t give you the ability to drive the car.

YOUR car.

Ever.

I guess I just have to be content with the fact that I am simply along for the ride and there is nothing I can do about it. Well, except take my medicines and hope for the best.

Dang it.

One thought on “Malcontent

  1. Yep, that’s it, I’m afraid. Accept what you cannot change, grit your teeth and smile and pretend you’re coping. I haven’t been able to drive for some time now, I live in an area where a car is, if not essential, then pretty damn necessary, my eye-sight is deteriorating at an alarming rate, and my arthritis makes for a life full of pain. I refuse to look at what is ahead, trying to live for each day. Today for instance, I’ve just booked a decorator to re-paint my living-room and hall although my friends assure me it doesn’t need it, but I feel I should be doing something. Chin up, girl, just keep on keeping on.

    Liked by 1 person

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